You’re sitting at a family dinner, casually scrolling through your phone between courses when your grandpa leans over and asks, “So, are you still courting that nice young man?” The table falls silent for a moment. Your cousin suppresses a laugh. You try to ignore the word “courting” in 2026.
1. “When I was your age…”
You can almost feel young shoulders tense up when this sentence is dropped. Older relatives use “When I was your age…” to launch into stories of walking miles to school, surviving without smartphones, or buying a house on a modest salary.
For them, it’s nostalgia—a way of connecting. But to younger people navigating high rent, climate change worries, and gig work, it can come across as a judgment. It sounds less like sharing wisdom and more like comparing lives lived under entirely different circumstances.
The phrase subtly suggests, “You have it easier.” Yet, most under-35s would argue they are facing far tougher challenges.
Consider a 24-year-old explaining her multiple side hustles—delivering groceries, editing videos, and trying to launch a small online store. Her retired uncle listens and then says, “When I was your age, I already had a house and two kids.”
The air shifts.
He’s proud of his past, but she’s left thinking, “Am I behind? Is my life not measuring up?” The comparison feels unfair, as today’s economic realities don’t align with the 1970s or 80s. A small tweak like, “At your age, my life was very different. Can I tell you about it?” turns the conversation into a sharing moment, not a judgment.
2. “Kids these days…”
The phrase “Kids these days…” often starts with a sigh and a shake of the head. It’s a prelude to complaints about everything from phones to work ethic, and even pronouns. This opener feels like a blanket criticism of an entire generation.
Young people hear it as an eye-roll at their way of life. It generalizes diverse experiences into one simplistic stereotype, and nobody likes being boxed in.
Take, for example, a college student visiting his grandparents after finals. Exhausted from caffeine and lack of sleep, he tries to talk about his exam stress and part-time job. His grandfather cuts him off with, “Kids these days don’t know what real work is.”
The conversation ends there.
Instead of encouraging a meaningful exchange, the phrase leaves the young person feeling misunderstood and judged. If the goal is understanding, “Kids these days…” only stands in the way. A better approach? Try, “What’s it like being your age right now?” This opens a dialogue, acknowledging their reality without dismissing it.
3. “Respect your elders”
“Respect your elders” used to be a rule—no questions asked. But today, that phrase can clash with a culture that values boundaries, consent, and calling out harmful behavior.
Young people don’t reject respect, but they do question whether age alone should command it. When “respect your elders” is wielded as a trump card in arguments, it often feels like a demand to “sit down and shut up.”
Consider a teenager standing up against a racist joke at a family gathering. When she calmly speaks up, an older cousin snaps, “Watch your tone, respect your elders.” Suddenly, the conversation shifts from the joke to her attitude.
Instead of being seen as brave, she’s labeled as disrespectful. A better approach might be: “We may disagree, but I appreciate you talking to me about it.” This respects the hierarchy of age but doesn’t dismiss the younger person’s feelings.
4. “Are you courting / going steady?”
When it comes to dating, certain phrases make it clear that someone is stuck in a different time. Words like “courting” or “going steady” might sound charming, but they don’t fit into today’s dating culture.
Young people today are familiar with terms like “talking,” “situationships,” and “soft launches.” The shift from formal, structured relationships to more casual, open-ended connections leaves older phrases feeling out of place.
Imagine a 28-year-old woman introducing her boyfriend to the family for the first time. After six months of dating, her grandmother asks, “Are you going steady or is this just a fling?” The room laughs, but the woman feels exposed, as though her relationship is being put on trial.
Older dating language assumes clear-cut stages and rules, but modern romance thrives on ambiguity. Asking, “Are you seeing anyone?” feels more appropriate and respects the uncertainty of today’s relationships.
5. “That’s not a real job”
Nothing stings more than hearing, “That’s not a real job.” As careers evolve, new roles emerge that older generations might not fully understand. Content creators, UX designers, and professional gamers are just some of the careers that have expanded the definition of work.
When someone over 65 says, “That’s not a real job,” it invalidates the hard work behind these new roles. These jobs may seem unfamiliar, but dismissing them outright makes young people feel their careers don’t matter.
Consider a TikTok editor who tells his neighbor, “I edit videos for brands and creators.” The neighbor, unimpressed, replies, “When are you going to get a real job?”
Instead of judging, try: “I don’t fully get what you do, but I’d love to hear about your typical day.” This opens up the conversation without making the person feel their work is inferior.
6. “Back in my day, we didn’t talk about feelings”
Mental health discussions create a massive divide between generations. Older adults might say, “Back in my day, we didn’t talk about feelings,” as if bottling everything up was a badge of toughness.
But for younger generations, silence isn’t strength—it’s dangerous. Mental health issues like anxiety and burnout are widespread, and dismissing them as weakness does more harm than good.
One young man confides in his grandfather about his therapy journey, only to be met with, “Back in my day, we didn’t talk about feelings, we just got on with it.”
He leaves the conversation feeling dismissed. A better way to phrase this might be: “I never talked about feelings at your age, but I’m glad you can.” This honors the past while supporting the present.
7. “You’re glued to that thing”
Phones are often seen as a villain by older generations. When someone remarks, “You’re glued to that thing,” it dismisses the significance of technology in modern life.
Young people rely on their phones for everything: work, social interaction, news, and sometimes even safety. A 19-year-old visiting her grandparents checks her phone at the table. Her grandfather snaps, “You’re glued to that thing, talk to us for once.”
What he doesn’t realize is she’s responding to work messages and checking on a friend who’s having a panic attack. A better response could be: “Can we spend 30 minutes phone-free?” This balances the need for connection without completely dismissing the phone’s role in modern life.
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Key Takeaways
- Language reveals generational gaps: Certain phrases can instantly date someone, creating defensiveness in conversations.
- Small rephrases make a difference: Turning judgments into questions fosters better family conversations.
- Respect is mutual across ages: Acknowledge each other’s realities for more honest, less resentful relationships.
